Guidance for families and friends

These situations can be most difficult as families and friends have rarely predicted, or prepared for, a situation like this to affect there loved ones.

• Don’t criticize the group or the member. Nothing is private in these groups and your communication and relationships can be severed if you are seen as critical or an enemy.
  
  
• One of the most important actions you can take is to try to communicate with the cult member. Communication must be conducted in a non-judgmental way. Instead of saying, "you’re in a cult", or "how could you believe this stuff", try "help me understand what you’re a part of now and what you feel you get from it."
  
  
• Don’t give original documents to any party (unless required by law); provide copies only.
  
  
• Don’t be persuaded by "professionals" to spend large amounts of money for "treatments" or legal action, until you have verified their credentials and qualifications for handling your problem.
  
  
• Don’t feel guilty or alone. This is a common problem nationally and internationally. It affects families of all religious, economic and family backgrounds.
  
  
• Reach out to others in your situation. At the Cult Hotline and Clinic, our Family Support Group meets monthly.
  
  
• Consider family or individual counseling to discuss the effect this has had on all of you, and to formulate a plan to help the cult member feel comfortable communicating with you, or even to help your loved one leave their group.
  
  
• Research the group. Find out about its history, leader, and teachings. Is it abusive, or dangerous? Explore cults in general; how they operate and what sets them apart from healthy organizations. Learn about post-cult issues, like anger, sadness, confusion, fear, shame, and problems with trust, so you’ll be sensitive to your loved one’s experience after leaving the cult.

It is most important to remember: DO NOT GIVE UP! Remember that your loved one is a product of your love, training, heredity and home environment. These influences can never be permanently eliminated by any technique or group or any amount of time.

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